|Queen B Project||
My husband and I struggled for a year and half to get pregnant. We treated with a fertility doctor, got pregnant doing IUI and then miscarried that child. A month after my D&C in July 2017, we got pregnant naturally with Asher. He was supposed to be our rainbow baby. I had a wonderful pregnancy with no complications. Lots of morning sickness (literally in the morning only) for the first 5 months, but I didn’t care, I was pregnant. Everything went smoothly. I was hyper aware of his movements because it was the only reassurance I would get that everything was ok with him. Because of that hyper awareness, I was overtly aware of the lack of movement one morning at 8 months pregnant. I tried to calm down, move about, and drink juice but nothing was working. We called the on call-doctor for the first time in my entire pregnancy. She advised we go straight to the hospital. They immediately took me to Triage and tried to put the fetal monitor on my stomach. Nothing. They pulled in the ultrasound machine and I watched the faces of the nurse, ultrasound tech, and doctor as they stared at the screen. The doctor shook her head and confirmed that Asher’s heart was no longer beating. I asked how this could happen, was the cord around his neck? She confirmed he was head down and the cord was nowhere near his neck, sometimes these things just happen. I was induced that afternoon and our son was born still on February 19, 2017, one day shy of 33 weeks. He weighed 4 lbs. 13 oz. and was 18 inches long. He looked just like his Daddy. He had his nose and hair. All of the tests run on both me and Asher came back negative. There was no medical reason as to why his heart stopped beating that day. But his heart did stop and our lives have been forever changed because of it.
After years of battling infertility and going through IVF, my wife and I conceived our beautiful baby girl, Eva Juliette, in September 2014. She was due May 17, 2015. We were beyond excited. Her pregnancy was completely normal and healthy. There were no complications throughout the entire pregnancy. At 36 weeks, we had an ultrasound. Everything was perfect. Her little heartbeat sounded like salsa dancing- she was strong at an estimated 6 lbs 8 oz. My wife was not dilated or showing any signs of labor. If she had come that day, the doctor said she would have been ready. Our next appointment was May 6th- 2 weeks later. May 5th we went to bed feeling her kick. She always kicked a lot before falling asleep. We fell asleep with our hands feeling her- she was actively kicking but we did feel her hiccuping. She never hiccuped until about 35 weeks. We increasingly felt her hiccup more but it seemed natural according to everything we read- it wasn't until our tragedy happened that we learned hiccuping could be a sign of fetal distress. On May 6th, Wednesday, when my wife woke up, she went to work and didn't feel her kick. She usually felt her in the car on her way to work but there were many days she didn't. My wife wasn't worried because we had the appointment later that day and it wasn't unusual for Eva to be quiet in the mornings sometimes. She is a special Ed teacher for children of 3-5 years of age with autism and behavior. Her days are very active, physical and busy. It's difficult for her to stop and pay attention to Eva's kicks. No one ever told us to measure her kicks or watch fetal movement. It wasn't until her loss that we even knew to do so. She was used to being busy and not feeling Eva for hours. She didn't know anything was wrong or to even be concerned. She went to her appointment after school and rushed to get there- she even texted me she was on her way. As soon as she got there, they did the usual- her weight, her blood pressure- everything perfect. The nurse proceeded to find the heartbeat of Eva with the Doppler- after agonizing minutes- nothing. No heartbeat. My wife was already crying. They called in the doctor and she requested an immediate ultrasound. Minutes later she was shown an image of our daughter with no heartbeat or blood flow- a far cry from the salsa beat we had seen less than 2 weeks ago and felt the night before. Needless to say, the following hours and days were a nightmare. Eva Juliette was born stillbirth on May 7, 2015- my birthday- weighing 7lbs 9oz and 21 inches long at 5:04pm. May 7th, only 10 days before her due date. May 7th, only 3 days before my wife's first Mother's Day. May 7th, the same day as her daddy's birthday. It was a day full of mixed emotions- on one hand we were so excited to finally see her and know what she looked like but our hearts were completely shattered that we wouldn't get a life time of knowing all her beautiful features and personality. She was born with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck 3 times, a knot in the cord and the her cord wrapped around her shoulder. How was this not detectable by ultrasound? There is no way that this happened overnight. At 36 weeks she appeared perfect. She had her ultrasound and then at 38 weeks she was struggling for life. When she was born, she was perfect. Everything about her was perfect- her eyes looked like her mom, her nose was my wife's family nose, and she was long- body, fingers, and toes- like my wife. She had my hair (black and curly) and my lips (full and pouty like tulips). She was perfect in every possible way- except she was dead and she was supposed to be with us. Just 10 days shy of her due date. There was no reason for us to have suspected that there was anything wrong. There's no reason that she should have died. Our doctor and everyone around us have told us that it's not our fault and that there's nothing we could have done. They told us there's no way to have prevented this. However, we refuse to accept that. How can such a healthy beautiful baby die 10 days prior to due date? Why didn't anyone tell us to count kicks or be aware of death by umbilical strangulation? We have spent years educating ourselves on fertility and what we needed to do protect our baby during pregnancy- taking classes, reading books, researching websites, and talking to various doctors. Of all our research, NO ONE EVER told us to monitor kicks and beware of umbilical cord strangulation. Yet, that's how our beautiful baby and all our dreams died...on May 7, 2015.
We are prepared to be parents again. Eva's life cannot be in vain but Eva Juliette ought to be with us. And now, all we have is to hope for the future- to be brave and hope that we can give her brothers and sisters- siblings who will blow her bubbles, bring her balloons at her grave, and say her name to remember her forever.
At 38.5 weeks pregnant, after a healthy and uneventful pregnancy, my beautiful baby boy stopped moving inside of me. He was born sleeping on December 22nd, 2014 at 9:12 am, weighing 6 lbs 11 oz - 19 inches.
"A Poem for Henry", by Laura Barr
I carried you inside of me for nine hopeful months,
Gave you warmth, love and nourishment to grow,
Dreamt of your face and imagined your future.
You gave me joy and excitement with each kick, roll and beat of your heart.
I carried you in my arms for a few precious hours,
Stared at your beautiful face, so similar to your big brother's
Told you I loved you, cried with Daddy that we couldn’t take you home.
And although I won’t carry you through your infancy or sling you on my hip as a toddler,
I’ll carry you forever in my heart and in my soul,
And I’ll remember that you lived, that you’ve given me a great gift,
and that someday I will see you again.
Hello I am Melissa Lee. I found out that I was expecting in October 2014 I was over the moon. I started to bleed so booked into early pregnancy unit. I had a scan that day and found out I was 27 weeks 2 days pregnant. I was a massive shock after lots of negative pregnancy tests I was overjoyed when I was told I was having a baby girl, my pregnancy progressed with no problems until she stopped moving on the 12th November. I went to the hospital, was monitored she was moving fine and had a strong heartbeat so I went home feeling relieved. Then on Saturday 15th November she stopped moving again. I went to the hospital and the midwife tried for fifteen minutes to get a heartbeat but she told me not to worry and that she may be hiding but I felt something was wrong. She came back with a doctor and an ultrasound machine. I was watching the screen where my baby was lay with no heartbeat and that's when I heard the most heartbreaking words, that my baby girl had no heartbeat. I was told her placenta was over the neck of my womb so I was having an emergency c section. She arrived silently at 4:33 pm. My beautiful Aoife-May Openshaw arrived weighing 3lbs 5oz. I spent 5 days with my baby girl before leaving the hospital without my baby. I received her post mortem results and got the heartbreaking news that she had Trisomy 13 a genetic disorder.
I have what is known as a double uterus and mine is smaller than a normal uterus. I was a high risk pregnancy. My lil angel is Anthony, born 21 yrs ago on November 22nd at 13 weeks gestation he went to be one of God's little angels. I miss him so much. I have no pictures except his ultrasound picture at 11wks. But there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my lil angel . November is always a tough month.
Hello, my name is Jonnine Rollins and I'd like to share with you the story of my handsome son Anthony...
We have been trying to conceive for three years, so when we finally got our positive pregnancy test we were filled with so much joy!! I'll never forget the excitement of hearing his heartbeat for the first time, seeing his face on the sonogram, feeling him kick and move around in my tummy. It was a dream pregnancy. Not a single problem, no morning sickness, everything was how I always dreamed it would be. My baby shower was January 17th, and it was so amazing! The next day we set up his nursery and put all his clothes away, it was just right. The next week, I was having some cramping and I had not felt him move for a few hours, so I called my doctor and he said to go to the hospital right away. They did an ultrasound and had trouble finding his heartbeat but it was there! That was the scariest moment, or so I thought. They sent me home and told me I was having ligament pain from my stomach stretching, which didn't sit right with me.. They also told me my wbc was very high, and that j needed to follow up with my doctor. The next morning I went to the doctor and it was even higher, I was admitted into the emergency room January 26th and they wanted to keep me overnight. The morning of January 27th I knew something was wrong... This pain wasn't right! The doctor told me I needed to get my blood pressure down because this was bad for the baby.... So he gave me a light pain medicine. He then tried to calm me by letting me hear Anthony's heartbeat and we heard nothing. The panic in my doctors face, the pain he saw in my eyes... I didn't want him to say it but he had to... He said there's no heartbeat.. I'm so sorry. I was moved into labor and delivery where I had to endure 7 hours of labor.. The feeling of him coming out of me was like no other, I was praying to hear his cry, but the room was silent. They cleaned him up and laid him on my chest... All I could hear was my scream. I wanted my child to move, fuss anything but instead I caressed his lifeless body. I memorized every single line on his body. He was born sleeping at only 27 weeks, he weighed 1lb 9oz... He was so perfect. We stayed in the room with him for 6 hours and the whole family came to hold him. It was the most bitter sweet moment of my life. We then had to say goodbye and that was the hardest part... To leave your child. I laid in bed for a week, and then my husband went to the funeral home to pick up his urn... This gave me some comfort... I felt he was back with me in some way. I was never given a reason as to what happened, that hurts me so deeply... Since that day a part of me is missing... There is no salty or sweet foods, it's just bitter... There are no colors, it's just gray, there are no smiles, just tears... This was never supposed to happen... My child should be at home in his crib with me and his daddy, not in the arms of Jesus. Here are the only two pictures I have of my handsome son, Anthony Michael Rollins.
-- I so wish I had more, I just didn't think to take more pictures :/
On November 15 2009 my world changed forever. I was 7 months pregnant with my beautiful daughter when a drunk driver hit us. She was born still at 11:29 pm on November 15. I lost her, my ability to have any more babies, my husband, and my ability to walk that tragic night. She's coming up on her 5th angelversery this year and I miss her so very much. She has a sister 16 and a brother 14 who dearly miss her too. We named her Alexandria Mersadies Gale. I've enclosed a picture. Thank you for letting me share my story with you.
Sincerly, Gloria Imhoff and Family.
This is the last picture we have of our precious baby.
Our story about how my special boy was born an angel on August 1st, 2014. He has 2 big sisters who are 3 and 8 and a big brother who is 5 and talks about him non stop. Our lives are forever changed. Let me tell you all how Rory became an angel. I battled with pre eclampsia in 3 previous pregnancies, each one ending in an induction but luckily a healthy baby. When we found out we were having Rory, we were treated high risk from the start. We were monitored closely, I had shared consultant care. When I was 28 weeks pregnant my bump was measuring big, as it turned out on a scan Rory was measuring on the small side. Due to rising blood pressure anyway and my history I was already scheduled for regular scans. At 32 weeks my stomach was measuring the same as it did at 28. Rory's size had fallen just below the chart. We got booked in for another scan at 34 weeks. From 33 weeks my blood pressure was really high at every appointment. They would sit me down and start doing a blood pressure profile, this usually took up to 3 hours purely for how busy the assessment unit was. My blood pressure as expected when your sitting stil for 3 hours, would come down and thus bring my average bp down. And so it went on practically every other day. At my 34 week scan Rory's size had fallen right off the chart. They booked a Doppler scan for 35+2 weeks. Still attending to get profiles done every other day and being refused an induction at 35 weeks because the signs I was saying I had, didn't have the blood abnormalities or the protein in your urine you need for the drs to actually believe you. His scan came and was fine. My bp however was 150/110 and so again instead of agreeing to get Rory out the consultant put me on bp medication. I was booked to get induced at 37 weeks and another profile at 35+4 days at 1pm. The next day I felt awful and a little light headed which I was told would happen as my bp regulated. I still took the medication. That night I started to experience early labour contractions, my bp was 130/88 not extremely high for me, pretty normal during the previous few weeks. That was around 10:30 Pm. The pains kept coming and going along with tightenings that had no pain. I had a bath,took paracetamol. Still no major pain under my ribs or around my bump at all, just a lot of tightening. At 4:30am after phoning the hospital, the midwife agreed it sounded like labour and to go in to get checked. We arrived at hospital stil no major pain, I walked into the hospital at 5am, where I seen a midwife straight away. The midwife found +4 of protein present, she only attempted 3 times to get his heart, we seen her panic in her eyes though she kept her face extremely straight. She went to get a dr to do a scan, within minutes the dr told us what we knew. Still made it no easier as it had to have happened within minutes of getting in the hospital. It was only then the pain around my stomach started. I couldn't stand. My world had changed forever. As she prepared to see if I had dilated they discovered the 1st haemorrhage, within minutes they had rushed me into theatre and knocked me out. Rory was born at 35+4weeks, not under weight or small at all, he was 5lb 4oz of utter perfection. I knew nothing else until I was woken in intensive care almost 2 days later. I remembered everything up to that moment. I also had to be told that I was just coming off life support. I had needed 15 units of blood, dialysis as I went into renal failure, I was on oxygen as I had fluid on my lungs, I was having platelet transfusions as I had none, the worst part was getting told the only way they could save me was to perform a full hysterectomy. Placental abruption happens so fast, it almost took my life and did take my angel. I was so close yet so far to having him. I had all of the signs of pre eclampsia and the drs played with fate. Fate won and pre eclampsia struck full on. The warning signs were there for weeks, I told the drs that. If they had of listened then my baby would be here. Listen to your body, you know best. Learn the signs and symtoms. It might just save your life and your baby's. I pray no one has to know how I feel right now x
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